these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
