Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
