Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
