I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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