then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i want to swaddle you in tequila
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
