I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
