How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
