is your mom at the bar?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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