The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
