Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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