Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
handjob tips. give me some.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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