I heard we made out
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
