can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
