i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
