ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
