i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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