hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
