White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
