She announced her abortion via fbk
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
