imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
