I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
