Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
