Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She's the barista slut.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
