So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize