Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
