I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize