Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
