i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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