so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
