sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
