Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize