I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
