weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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