she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We are two peas in an std pod
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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