I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize