Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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