sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
