Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
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