I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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