the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
