He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
