is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
