it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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