I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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