My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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