Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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