so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
