i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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