is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
