Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
