Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
