so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
