idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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