It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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