I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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