the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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