It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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