don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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