On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
