There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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