He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
