I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
