I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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