where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
