He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize