I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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