dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
