Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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