so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
