weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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