Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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