What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
