If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
