Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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