What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
