They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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