I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
