Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
