3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
