Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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