did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
