Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
