K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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