Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
