you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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