he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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